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I been mulling over many things in my mind...but the reasoning of why I'm single eludes me. I've came up with a few ideas but I don't know if they all on point or just my imaginings.

1) Looks- Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, indeed. I am 6 feet tall and about 290 lbs. I know that classifies me as overweight or obese but certainly there must one or two people who would hardly care. I know I am not the best looking man in the world but certainly this world cannot be completely shallow.

2) Rashness- As I mentioned previously in my note "Necessary Steps", I tend to rush into things and often miss crucial details. I run headlong into many things which I am certain is off-putting to many of the fairer sex.

3) Heart on the sleeve- To put it bluntly, I could talk to a girl one day and then the next day say the three magic words out of feelings alone.

4) Fear- As I mentioned in my note aptly named "Fear" I am afraid of being hurt so I don't try. The mind and the heart are separate entities...with my mind saying, "don't do it", and my heart saying, "GO FOR IT!" Most of the time, the mind prevails...

5) Self-defeating- This is only a theory by most psychiatric minds but they are developing a disorder known as self-defeating personality disorder. Basically, whenever I find someone that would under normal circumstances be defined as a "keeper", something in my head says "screw it up". Its impulsive and not controlled.

I am sure there could be a few moments but my mind is clouded at the moment. This writing may be updated eventually but time will tell. Certainly there must be a girl who can identify with me but as of now, I've yet to find her. Perhaps its my fate to walk alone and if it is, I will accept it...but I will NOT go down without a fight.

Until next time
I think I can speak for many other people when I say that saying 'I love you' after having a conversation with someone 'based on feelings alone'. For one, this will probably freak most people out (it certainly did me, when it happened to me). And that might be because it's sudden, but also because it rings false. That's just a shadow of the real emotion. IMHO, you cannot say 'I Love You' and mean it, really mean it, until you know every part of a person. Even (and especially) the ugly parts. That can only be experienced over a good amount of time- varies for everyone, but a while still.


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April 2017

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