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I don't know about you but weddings are purely agonizing for me. If you see me at a wedding, I will be the guy in the back of the pews looking for something, a spot high enough to tie a rope so I can hang myself. Now while I appreciate the concept of two people that are in love publicly committing themselves unto one another in matrimony, they make it such a spectacle. Some people go outta there way to get doves and tons of flowers and giant ass string quartets...

Plus some of these wedding vows are just so corny they can be fed to live stock as nutrient. I know that you love your soon-to-be wife but shit man you don't gotta go off a tangent. Mushy mushy stuff only works for be if I'm the one saying the stuff. Some might be thinking I'm just talking but I AM a romantic. It simply bugs me all the mushyness when you're single.

And receptions are worse...the cake, the dancing, the flower and garter throwing. You think the weddings are bad, look at the details put into the reception for crap sake. Ice sculptures, cakes tall enough to rival the Sears Tower, and tons of other little things better suited for The Royal Family. Put simply I got a inferiority complex cause when they're doing the speeches and shit all I think they're doing is turning toward me, laughing and chanting, "You're single and you suck!" in a nice little sing-song tone.

Now I'm not saying that weddings need to be killed off completely. I'm saying we need to take it back a notch and not make it a Hollywood event when all it is is just "Billy" and "Janey" getting hitched.

Am I missing something? Did I leave anything out? Let me know...


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April 2017

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